Into the next

The big thing on Twitter the past couple days has been #10yearsago. Where was I at the beginning of the past decade? In Austin (as I am now), having recently moved back after thinking maybe I'd left it for good (as is the case now), working for a nonprofit (yep, still doing that) and not making as much money as I know I'm worth (check). My sister was in town but my brother wasn't. Now it's the opposite. My best friend was living with her now ex-husband and they had a Y2K NYE party at their apartment that was pretty mellow, but a place where our close group of friends could be together. This NYE Y2K10 I didn't see any of the people I celebrated with when I was (not) partying like it was 1999. I was married then. Not now. I was running an abortion fund. The fund has changed but I'm still doing that. I had considerably less debt than I do now.

So much has happened since this day 10 years ago. Our country has been at war - with 2 nations and a vague concept - for almost the entire decade and the news became so depressing for me for the greater part of the past 10 years that a part of my spirit died. I got divorced. I helped start the Lilith Fund. I went to law school. After my divorce in 2001, I had a very frustrating relationship for a little less than 2 years followed by a very tumultuous relationship for a little over 6 years. I'm now in an incredibly satisfying relationship with someone who gives me a great amount of peace and contentment, despite my occasional freakout brought on by my own self-doubts. I'm not sure what the next 1o years will bring or even exactly what I want them to bring. But I do feel optimistic about the possibilities.

#1yearago: I was on a bus to San Miguel de Allende with Amanda. We'd celebrated the new year in Mexico DF with a Jorge, Miguel and a bunch of ballerinas. I've never felt more overweight and underdressed as I did that night. Fortunately there was enough liquor to get me through it. I was ready to get out of my shitty relationship, especially since I'd already been feeling that I was alone in it anyway. This year I started off the new year feeling very much a part of something good. I didn't take any big trips this year, but the coming year promises some travel. I'm going to Las Vegas for the first time in a couple of weeks. I admit that I'm a little apprehensive about it. I've never had much desire to go there, but I'm sure it'll be interesting and fun anyway, even if I don't have big plans to gamble at all. If I can figure out a way to swing it financially, there may be some international travel in my near future. Perhaps Kenya and/or somewhere in Europe. I'm still figuring that one out.

I'm already starting off the year with a healthier outlook. I've been going to the gym regularly and my eating habits have improved. I'm not setting any weight loss goals, but I feel more comfortable in my own skin already and that's what really counts. I'm more organized than I've been in awhile, probably because I'm not having as many periods of depression that lead to my letting things go. I'm hoping to move into a new job, if I can figure out what I want that to be. I'm starting to feel like I'm ready to let go of some of my idealism and find something that's not soul-sucking, yet pays significantly more than what I'm making now. I can do that for a couple of years if it means getting out of more debt. As it is, I feel like I'm being crushed by debt and constantly struggling. I'm not enjoying what I do. And to try and find more fulfillment, I've taken on too many volunteer projects and now I just feel stressed out all the time from all the work I've put on myself. My creativity has suffered. I want to have time to read books, to improve my photography skills, to learn another language, and just to have more fun. That's my resolution: to cut back on all the martyr shit so I can just have more fun!

And so here I am, moving forward into this next decade of my life, feeling better about life than I have in awhile, yet still working to improve my station in life. Isn't that always the case?