I'm in Portland right now visiting my sister in her amazing new house. While my sister had to go into work for a few hours, Demanda, the roommate and I spent the morning drinking beer in the hot tub out back, the hot tub that's situated amid a backyard full of beautiful plants. It's like a resort, but free. And yes, the weather is nice enough for me to sit in a tub of hot water for over an hour during daylight. Oh. Hell. Yes.
On the way to get Demanda from the airport this morning, Roommate was checking out her Twitter follows, turned to Sister and quoted the name of some website someone on her contacts list tweeted:
K: It's swollenvulva.blogpost.com
S: ...
K: Oh, I got that wrong. It's swollenuvula.blogspot.com. Very different part of the body.
S: Oh, I don't know. They both get dicks slapped up against them.
Yep, definitely my sister!
Sexta-feira, Agosto 28, 2009
Quarta-feira, Agosto 26, 2009
Hallmark of a Good Day
Me: Oh! I forgot I had this bacon in my purse! Score.
My Coworker E: What?!
Me: It's my leftover bacon from brunch. I put it in my purse to save for later.
E: I can honestly say I have never found bacon in my purse before.
Me: It's a beautiful thing.
My Coworker E: What?!
Me: It's my leftover bacon from brunch. I put it in my purse to save for later.
E: I can honestly say I have never found bacon in my purse before.
Me: It's a beautiful thing.
Terça-feira, Agosto 18, 2009
This one's for you, C
It has come to my attention that I have not posted in awhile. I think 2 weeks was what I was told. And while there have been some new developments in my life, I'm not really feeling like a big share-in with the internet. I mean, I know I posted just last month about my out-of-control need to get some ass and without going into any details, let's just say the situation has been remedied. And quite well, I might add.
While we're on the topic of sex, here's one of my favorite Texts From Last Night:
While we're on the topic of sex, here's one of my favorite Texts From Last Night:
(917): i'm seventeen days late, but at least now we can write a poem and put it on that i-hate-myself-for-having-an-abortion website
(917): i'm thinking a haiku.
We had shower sex
It was pretty good although
Baby had to go
Abortion haiku! What's not to love?
In other news, I've finally taken control of my eating habits. My sugar consumption is now down to almost zero, if you don't count the sugar and crap that gets snuck into everyday foods. I've been feeling really good about it and have been doing much better at not losing control or giving in to cravings. Until tonight. The roomie and I broke down and went to Plucker's, where we totally indulged in fried pickles, waffle fries and buffalo wings all dipped in ranch. And then K ordered dessert. Here's the conversation that followed:
Me: Oh god. I don't think I've eaten this much food all month.
K: So good though.
Me: Ohhhh, I think I ripped something. It huuuurts.
K: I know. Soooo fuuuuull.
Me: I'm pretty sure I just gained 10 pounds.
Although you better believe I'm going for it when that fried Twinkie arrives.
(917): i'm thinking a haiku.
We had shower sex
It was pretty good although
Baby had to go
Abortion haiku! What's not to love?
In other news, I've finally taken control of my eating habits. My sugar consumption is now down to almost zero, if you don't count the sugar and crap that gets snuck into everyday foods. I've been feeling really good about it and have been doing much better at not losing control or giving in to cravings. Until tonight. The roomie and I broke down and went to Plucker's, where we totally indulged in fried pickles, waffle fries and buffalo wings all dipped in ranch. And then K ordered dessert. Here's the conversation that followed:
Me: Oh god. I don't think I've eaten this much food all month.
K: So good though.
Me: Ohhhh, I think I ripped something. It huuuurts.
K: I know. Soooo fuuuuull.
Me: I'm pretty sure I just gained 10 pounds.
Although you better believe I'm going for it when that fried Twinkie arrives.
Segunda-feira, Agosto 03, 2009
Monday, you can SUCK IT!
Today I set off my Huntsville business trip. I didn't want to deal with a rental car, mostly because my budget is super tight and I'd have to pay for it out of pocket and then get reimbursed and I didn't want to deal with the paperwork. I just figured it would be easier to take my own car for this quick trip and collect mileage.
I could not have been more wrong.
I was cruising along, a little over an hour outside Austin. I almost forgot about my two hours of conference calls and I was irked that I'd left my earpiece for the phone at the office. I was finished early with hour one of calls, so I stopped in Giddings, TX to use the restroom and get a soda. About 10 minutes later I glanced down and saw that my temperature was in the red and the battery light was on. I was passing through a tiny town, so I made a u-turn back to what looked like the only building with any cars in front of it, a little antiques shop. Steam started to come out of the hood just as I stopped. I looked under the hood and the lid on the coolant was open and there wasn't much liquid inside. Yikes.
The antiques shop was closed, but the owner was inside and waved me in. I asked where I could find a service station and she told me that it closed at noon. For real? Fortunately there was a convenience store about 1/4 mile down the road that she said would sell coolant. So, I set off walking.
A few minutes later, the antiques store owner pulled up beside me and gave me a ride the rest of the way. She waited for me while I went inside and called my mechanic for advice on what to buy. He told me just to get bottled water and in the process, another local decided he was going back with the antiques owner and I to try and help me out. Once back at the car, local guy discovered my busted engine drive belt. I knew I wasn't going anywhere.
Of course I'm the dick who doesn't have AAA, so I called the mechanic again for more advice. He gave me the number to a towing company that would come get the car, supposedly at a discount. I called the towing company and didn't even ask the price. They didn't require a credit card number up front or anything and they told me to just leave the key under the mat. So that bomb is still yet to drop.
I canceled my 4pm meeting in Huntsville, called the nearest rental car company (in Brenham, 20 miles away) and asked the antiques store owner if there was a taxi driver in town. No. Anyone I could pay to give me a ride to Brenham? No. Fortunately a hot, young man was in the shop installing a new A/C unit and he called a friend. (He was 18 - cougar claws ACTIVATE!) He told me that his friend was in La Grange and was driving through town on her way to Brenham in a couple of hours. He got my number and promised to call when his friend got to town. I then walked around the corner to a restaurant, ordered sweet tea and fried pickles, and settled in.
An hour or so later I got a call from the young man and he said his friend was on her way. She turned out to be a charming, friendly young lady, about to start her freshman year at Texas A&M. She refused my offer of money and took me straight to the rental company. The woman at Enterprise turned out to also be super sweet. She apologized for not being able to pick me up and told me that if I hadn't shown up, she planned to call me and come get me anyway. She even gave me a discount on the extra fee I have to pay for returning the car in a different city. And then I was on my way again.
Now I'm at the hotel and I'm so incredibly drained. I've been mentally juggling my expenses in my head to figure out how to pay for everything and it's making me sick to my stomach. I'm literally on the verge of tears right now. It's probably mostly exhaustion and the after effects of the super-adrenaline-problem-solver mode I've been in all afternoon.
It still sucks. Totally sucks my ass. But today could have turned out so much more awful than I did. I got a huge dose of hometown hospitality and I'm so grateful to everyone that showed me kindness today. If there's no major engine damage or other problems with my car, the repair will only be a few hundred with parts and labor. The towing? That's another story, but I'll deal with it. I just have to keep moving forward. Whaddayagunnado?
I could not have been more wrong.
I was cruising along, a little over an hour outside Austin. I almost forgot about my two hours of conference calls and I was irked that I'd left my earpiece for the phone at the office. I was finished early with hour one of calls, so I stopped in Giddings, TX to use the restroom and get a soda. About 10 minutes later I glanced down and saw that my temperature was in the red and the battery light was on. I was passing through a tiny town, so I made a u-turn back to what looked like the only building with any cars in front of it, a little antiques shop. Steam started to come out of the hood just as I stopped. I looked under the hood and the lid on the coolant was open and there wasn't much liquid inside. Yikes.
The antiques shop was closed, but the owner was inside and waved me in. I asked where I could find a service station and she told me that it closed at noon. For real? Fortunately there was a convenience store about 1/4 mile down the road that she said would sell coolant. So, I set off walking.
A few minutes later, the antiques store owner pulled up beside me and gave me a ride the rest of the way. She waited for me while I went inside and called my mechanic for advice on what to buy. He told me just to get bottled water and in the process, another local decided he was going back with the antiques owner and I to try and help me out. Once back at the car, local guy discovered my busted engine drive belt. I knew I wasn't going anywhere.
Of course I'm the dick who doesn't have AAA, so I called the mechanic again for more advice. He gave me the number to a towing company that would come get the car, supposedly at a discount. I called the towing company and didn't even ask the price. They didn't require a credit card number up front or anything and they told me to just leave the key under the mat. So that bomb is still yet to drop.
I canceled my 4pm meeting in Huntsville, called the nearest rental car company (in Brenham, 20 miles away) and asked the antiques store owner if there was a taxi driver in town. No. Anyone I could pay to give me a ride to Brenham? No. Fortunately a hot, young man was in the shop installing a new A/C unit and he called a friend. (He was 18 - cougar claws ACTIVATE!) He told me that his friend was in La Grange and was driving through town on her way to Brenham in a couple of hours. He got my number and promised to call when his friend got to town. I then walked around the corner to a restaurant, ordered sweet tea and fried pickles, and settled in.
An hour or so later I got a call from the young man and he said his friend was on her way. She turned out to be a charming, friendly young lady, about to start her freshman year at Texas A&M. She refused my offer of money and took me straight to the rental company. The woman at Enterprise turned out to also be super sweet. She apologized for not being able to pick me up and told me that if I hadn't shown up, she planned to call me and come get me anyway. She even gave me a discount on the extra fee I have to pay for returning the car in a different city. And then I was on my way again.
Now I'm at the hotel and I'm so incredibly drained. I've been mentally juggling my expenses in my head to figure out how to pay for everything and it's making me sick to my stomach. I'm literally on the verge of tears right now. It's probably mostly exhaustion and the after effects of the super-adrenaline-problem-solver mode I've been in all afternoon.
It still sucks. Totally sucks my ass. But today could have turned out so much more awful than I did. I got a huge dose of hometown hospitality and I'm so grateful to everyone that showed me kindness today. If there's no major engine damage or other problems with my car, the repair will only be a few hundred with parts and labor. The towing? That's another story, but I'll deal with it. I just have to keep moving forward. Whaddayagunnado?
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