pushing on through

I have a plane ticket to San Francisco for May 2. Right now the thought of that trip is the only thing keeping me sane.

I've got tons of work I have to do for the approaching major fundraiser, tons of work-work, and meanwhile, my room is so dirty and out-of-control messy that it's not even funny. I'm desperately clinging to the delusion that I'm going to do the Danskin triathlon, although it's getting harder and harder to get regular exercise these days. And then there are all the family obligations. I was in Victoria this past weekend for a work-family combo and this coming weekend I'll be in Athens for another work-family combo. And tomorrow I'm going to try to get a good 3-4 hours of solid work in before driving down to Houston to see a gravely ill family member and then drive back in the evening for more work. None of these family obligations were mandatory, but important all the same. I know I'll regret it greatly if I don't make it to Houston tomorrow. And the seriousness of this relative's condition is really making me sad, which makes all the other stuff a little harder to get done. I hate that people get older and sick and leave this world behind. I hate that things change, but there's not a damn thing I can do about it. It's part of life, getting older. The people we grew up with and loved dearly eventually pass on. And everything changes. No way to stop it.

I've also decided to put dating on hold. After one accidental date followed by one very, uhm, strange date, I'm just not in the mood to deal with boys. And honestly, I don't have time for them. I just like to take whatever little free time I have and spend it with friends. Sure, I could have gotten more work done this afternoon or even set up a date if I'd really wanted to, but instead I went to see I Love You, Man at the Alamo with my friend Kelley. So much better than spending two hours uncomfortably sitting next to some dude I'm not even sure I want to have sex with. And at least I know she won't get all clingy and start texting, emailing, calling and gchatting me or otherwise attempt to suck up all my time and energy. Ugg, there's too much technology available now for guys to annoy you with. Fortunately I haven't had a date with anyone on Facebook or Twitter and I think that given this recent experience, I should set up a rule that I will not friend anyone I'm dating on FB or allow them to follow me on Twitter until I'm sure they're not going to bug the crap out of me.

Okay, I know I'm being incredibly vague about all that, but I haven't decided if I'm going to expose the details of these "dates" on this blog yet, despite my playing with the idea of a blog about my dating misadventures. I feel guilty because a) he's actually a nice person and b) I've kind of been stringing him along because I still think he's sort of hot and I haven't completely decided I don't want to have sex with him although now I'm leaning more toward just putting a stop to it. Ah, and here come the run-on sentences. Fuck it. I'm going to bed.

Incredible

I got my old laptop back this afternoon. I purchased in June 2007 so I could take the Texas bar exam on a machine that might actually work somewhat reliably. It served its purpose and was taken when my home was burglarized that August. I had renter's insurance, so I easily replaced it with a slightly better computer, but I had just downloaded photos off my camera (also stolen, also replaced with a slight upgrade) that included baby Gus' first birthday party. That was devastating. There were also files on there that I wouldn't want some random person seeing, like my 2005 and 2006 tax returns, other private documents, the before pictures I took to inspire me to get in shape and track my progress. Yeah, not good. I comforted myself with the thought that maybe the thieves would scrub the hard drive first thing. The pictures would be lost, but at least the rest of my info would be safe.

I started getting notifications from LoJack and from the high tech crimes detective that they had some leads. Lots more time passed. It has been almost two years and now I've got the laptop back. With all my files on it.

So, yay! I've got the pictures!

Then I started to look through the other files. I started to feel violated. Had they opened them? It doesn't appear that much is different with the machine. The left click button under the touch pad has some wear - Hearts is listed as one of the frequently-accessed programs under the start menu so I guess they had this laptop to play game - and they changed the wallpaper. But there are maybe two or three additional documents, mostly blank healthcare-related forms that must have been downloaded at some point.

Should I be worried about the exposure of my personal information? I'm ordering credit reports right now, but I've done that since the laptop went missing. I get the feeling they just weren't very computer savvy. They obviously had no idea about LoJack. And they only got online a handful of times, which is partly why it took so long to recover the laptop. It just feels strange. Like someone was probably snooping into my life in a way that I'm not comfortable with. And now I want to erase everything off this laptop and my other one and hide.

One more step towards a better world

Remarks of Bill Richardson, Governor of New Mexico, upon signing legislation repealing the state's death penalty, March 18, 2009. I've bolded my favorite parts.

Today marks the end of a long, personal journey for me and the issue of the death penalty.

Throughout my adult life, I have been a firm believer in the death penalty as a just punishment – in very rare instances, and only for the most heinous crimes. I still believe that.

But six years ago, when I took office as Governor of the State of New Mexico, I started to challenge my own thinking on the death penalty.

The issue became more real to me because I knew the day would come when one of two things might happen: I would either have to take action on legislation to repeal the death penalty, or more daunting, I might have to sign someone’s death warrant.

I’ll be honest. The prospect of either decision was extremely troubling. But I was elected by the people of New Mexico to make just this type of decision.

So, like many of the supporters who took the time to meet with me this week, I have believed the death penalty can serve as a deterrent to some who might consider murdering a law enforcement officer, a corrections officer, a witness to a crime or kidnapping and murdering a child. However, people continue to commit terrible crimes even in the face of the death penalty and responsible people on both sides of the debate disagree – strongly – on this issue.

But what we cannot disagree on is the finality of this ultimate punishment. Once a conclusive decision has been made and executed, it cannot be reversed. And it is in consideration of this, that I have made my decision.

I have decided to sign legislation that repeals the death penalty in the state of New Mexico.

Regardless of my personal opinion about the death penalty, I do not have confidence in the criminal justice system as it currently operates to be the final arbiter when it comes to who lives and who dies for their crime. If the State is going to undertake this awesome responsibility, the system to impose this ultimate penalty must be perfect and can never be wrong.

But the reality is the system is not perfect – far from it. The system is inherently defective. DNA testing has proven that. Innocent people have been put on death row all across the country.

Even with advances in DNA and other forensic evidence technologies, we can’t be 100-percent sure that only the truly guilty are convicted of capital crimes. Evidence, including DNA evidence, can be manipulated. Prosecutors can still abuse their powers. We cannot ensure competent defense counsel for all defendants. The sad truth is the wrong person can still be convicted in this day and age, and in cases where that conviction carries with it the ultimate sanction, we must have ultimate confidence – I would say certitude – that the system is without flaw or prejudice. Unfortunately, this is demonstrably not the case.

And it bothers me greatly that minorities are overrepresented in the prison population and on death row.

I have to say that all of the law enforcement officers, and especially the parents and spouses of murder victims, made compelling arguments to keep the death penalty. I respect their opinions and have taken their experiences to heart -- which is why I struggled – even today – before making my final decision.

Yes, the death penalty is a tool for law enforcement. But it’s not the only tool. For some would-be criminals, the death penalty may be a deterrent. But it’s not, and never will be, for many, many others.

While today’s focus will be on the repeal of the death penalty, I want to make clear that this bill I’m signing actually makes New Mexico safer. With my signature, we now have the option of sentencing the worst criminals to life in prison without the possibility of parole. They will never get out of prison.

Faced with the reality that our system for imposing the death penalty can never be perfect, my conscience compels me to replace the death penalty with a solution that keeps society safe.

The bill I am signing today, which was courageously carried for so many years by Representative Gail Chasey, replaces the death penalty with true life without the possibility of parole – a sentence that ensures violent criminals are locked away from society forever, yet can be undone if an innocent person is wrongfully convicted. More than 130 death row inmates have been exonerated in the past 10 years in this country, including four New Mexicans – a fact I cannot ignore.

From an international human rights perspective, there is no reason the United States should be behind the rest of the world on this issue. Many of the countries that continue to support and use the death penalty are also the most repressive nations in the world. That’s not something to be proud of.

In a society which values individual life and liberty above all else, where justice and not vengeance is the singular guiding principle of our system of criminal law, the potential for wrongful conviction and, God forbid, execution of an innocent person stands as anathema to our very sensibilities as human beings. That is why I’m signing this bill into law.

Bravo, Gov. Richardson!

Can we talk about head trauma for a second?

Has anyone been following the story of actress Natasha Richardson? She's married to Liam Neeson and is Vanessa Redgrave's daughter. Last weekend she went skiing, fell on a beginner's slope during a lesson, got up, laughed, walked home. Later feels sick, has a headache and now is rumored to be brain dead?. Very sad for the Neeson/Redgrave/Richardson family. Also, OMG that totally freaks me out! I want more details on the fall and her symptoms. Obviously she must have hit her head, but how? Was it just like a little conk, like she fell and her head hit the ground behind her? Did she flip around, fall on her head? I'm so freaked out by head trauma. I hate watching videos of accidents that are supposed to be "funny" or whatever (like the hideous Jackass series - seriously, why are we encouraging that shit in society??) and I totally cringe when someone hits their head. Years ago when I worked for the city, I took a first aid class and we were told that if there was any head or neck trauma at all, to be very careful if the person had to be moved (like put on a brace right away, etc.) and that they should always get checked out. So, be careful when you hit your head, people!

how time flies

When I was 20 years old, I had a roommate who created much turmoil in my life. She was 6 feet tall, incredibly gorgeous, tons of fun and totally psycho. She had a substance abuse problem and a five year-old daughter. Since Mom was usually too hungover to get up that early and I had an 8am class, I usually got the kid ready for school, packed her lunch and dropped her off. And I usually picked her up in the afternoon. I'm pretty sure all her teachers just thought she had two mommies. I loved that little kid and put up with her mom far longer than I would have if it weren't for the child. But eventually all things have to come to a dramatic tequila-fueled end and mother and child left my life. I still wonder how the girl turned out (I'm sure her mom either ended up in prison, rehab, dead or any combination thereof).

I realized today that the little girl I lived with at age 20 is now 20 years old herself. Holy shit.

Hear me roar!

This week I got all up on my high horse 'n shit and wrote an email to a friend about a NY Times article. This lead to the friend encouraging me to submit it to someone other than her and after a little tweaking, I sent it along to someone who sent it to the editor of RH Reality Check, only one of the coolest sites out there for reproductive health issues. And now HERE IT IS! I took my ranting beyond the obscure confines of this blog and out into the world. Finally, my brash opinions legitimized by a reputable publication. Oh, you KNOW I've been telling everyone I know about this. Let's face it, it's the most exciting thing I've got going on right now.

Of course, now that it's out there, I can't help but feel that it's not much of a contribution to anything. Why can't I write something positive? Why do I always need to be rocking boats? How many important people am I going to piss off now? I can just see myself in an interview for my dream job and have the interviewer stop and say, "Oh, Heather Busby, where do I know that name? Oh yeah, you wrote that article about how I should take my torch and shove it. Good-bye." Or am I just being paranoid? This is my problem, the perpetual curse of the Sagittarius. I get up on my soapbox and don't bother to hit the censor button and then I worry that I'm going to be eating too much shoe after it's already out there. Am I just being a freak? Honest opinions on the article in the comments. But if you want to tell me I'm a devil slut babykiller who is going to Hell, be prepared to be mocked.

Dick of the Day: UPDATED!

I'm introducing a new feature that perhaps will be ongoing now that I have a phone with a camera again. It's called Dick of the Day. Although, no, I don't anticipate actually posting a Daily Dick. God, I only hope my life doesn't suck so hard that I personally encounter someone worthy of a stealth photo + angry blog post about daily. Unfortunately, after this dick came along, I found out about an even bigger dick, but because the bigger dick is someone I encountered during the course of my work, I can't really post about this person. Let's just say that when a judge lets a guy out on personal bond (i.e. he doesn't have to pay anything to get out of jail) who has repeatedly raped a young teen girl and also threatened to kill her mom and her entire family because Mom has the audacity to report the abuse, sending the entire family into hiding, fearing for their lives, I think you've earned the honor of DICK OF THE YEAR. But I can't publish that. I can talk about THIS GUY, however. Meet the inaugural dick of the red hot mamma blog:

Congrats, guy! You are a dick. Why is this guy a dick? Because during peak Whole Foods lunch rush time, when no outside tables could be utilized during the rain, he sat at a table for 4 by himself, not drinking or eating or having purchased anything at all from the store. He just sat there, scrolling through his Blackberry. Meanwhile, other people were standing up to eat all around him. He could have still sat there, but offered the other chairs to others, but he didn't. When a table finally opened up, Melissa and I were at the table next to him. We had an extra chair so we offered it to a guy who was also eating while standing (who turned out to be really nice & I might enroll in his fitness academy thing). But did this dick take the hint and let others use his spare chairs? No, in fact, he got annoyed when Mel's leg got too close to one of his THREE bags that were taking up space well beyond the FOUR TOP table he was hogging ALL TO HIMSELF. And instead of saying, "Oh, let me move these" or something equally polite, he yanked them away in a huff and glared at her. Hi, DICK! Thanks for being a rude, inconsiderate, selfish, annoying DICK. Oh, and news flash: Whole Foods is not the public library. Go home.

Hopefully there will be more dicks to come. In the meantime, feel free to send me photos and descriptions of dicks you encounter and I will post them here. And if you can't get a photo, a good description will suffice.

UPDATE: In searching for blogs that post a daily dick, I ran across this Wordpress blog called "Dick of the Day." Caution: NSFW. It's drawings of actual dicks, as in penises.

the madness continues...

I wish I still had time to actually do something with this blog besides disappoint the five or so people who occasionally check it, only to find that I still haven't updated. Although, it's probably only fair since I'm also checking all your blogs and none of you are doing much for my online entertainment lately. You know who you are.

It's madness in Heatherville, people. But there are a couple of entries I've been working on and I'll knock those out sometime soon. Just to give you an illustration of how crazed I've been, I'm going to just review the last 1o days:

Saturday, February 28: Drive to San Antonio, eat a home-cooked Ethiopian meal, talk to a couple of Eritrean refugees, drive home.
Sunday, March 1: Weight class, clean car, pack, buy birthday gift for world's cutest toddler under the age of 1 (Gus holds the title in the 2 year old category), head to office, do some last minute work until my co-worker arrives, drive to Dallas.
Monday, March 2: In Dallas at conference, deliver gift to world's cutest toddler (in the not-yet-one-year-old category), catch up with world's cutest toddler's parents, Michelle & Joel
Tuesday, March 3: In Dallas still conferencing, lunch with Ilan, dinner & drinks with Kevin & Allison
Wednesday, March 4: Conference in the morning, drive back from Dallas, return 15 voice mail messages, do a little work, pick up dog, go home, unpack
Thursday, March 5: Office, catch up on almost a week's worth of work, return more phone calls, check Lilith mailbox & prepare deposit, write/read a bajillion emails, prepare for talk at UT, head to UT law school to say a few words about human trafficking, meet filmmaker of movie Holly (about trafficking in Cambodia), run home, return more emails.
Friday, March 6: jail in the morning, office in the afternoon, head home to let out dog, drive to San Antonio to meet with the Eritreans, end up on what I think may have been an unintentional date, arrive home at 3am
Saturday, March 7: Sleep too late because up so late the night before and miss Pilates class, watch some of the TV shows from the prior week on Hulu, head over to friend's house for private investigator mission, execute said mission in Cedar Park, mission = fail, eat sushi with friend & then drop him off at his house, head home to get ready to go out, head to Star Bar with Kelley for Judie's b-day, get really drunk after bartender makes me very strong screwdrivers in pint glasses, eat queso along with chocolate chip pancakes with bananas & pecans, pass out in Kelley's spare room because I cannot drive
Sunday, March 8: Wake up very early and realize that I've lost an hour of much-needed sleep, groggily drive home and get cleaned up, let dog out to pee, pass out for a few more hours, get up and pick up some Whataburger on my way to Lilith Fund office, suffer through 2 hour Lilith Fund board meeting, drive home, watch movies while hating myself for being so old and getting so horribly hungover so easily, pound more painkillers and water and apply Head On directly to my forehead.
Monday, March 9: Wake up, shower off the last of the hangover stank, blow dry and curl my hair and put on make-up and clothes other than jeans, head to office and go over presentation on human trafficking, make phone calls, get more work done, leave for Hilton, pick up name tag and locate conference presentation room, co-present on child sexual exploitation/trafficking in the U.S., head home to change clothes and let dog out, lie down for a few minutes and end up passing out for four hours,wake up and get frustrated at myself for wasting all the daylight I was going to use to run errands and exercise, waste more time watching Netflix DVDs so I can return them and get the most bang for the bucks I pay Netflix each month - it's a chore, people.
Tuesday, March 10: Drag ass out of bed, head to jail, review arrests, call victims, check post office box, head to office, prepare for evening meeting, head back to jail to review more arrests and call more victims, head to Lilith Fund office, attempt to catch up on 3 months' worth of data entry before meeting, conduct event committee meeting, run search in database and create invite list, stop off at CVS for toilet paper and for essentials like white wine and Cadbury Creme Eggs, head home, fix dinner, let dog out, drink glass of white wine and then semi-chide myself for not exercising first, blog.

Now we're all caught up. Perhaps I'll post soon about my sort of unintentional maybe date.