...that the grocery stores don't even give you a day to get over the emotionally-draining christmas season before they start bombarding you with the overly pink, sickening valentine's day crap. i despise american consumerism. can we please get a break from all this??
Quinta-feira, Dezembro 30, 2004
Quarta-feira, Dezembro 29, 2004
new year challenges
okay, so i'm announcing my new year's resolutions early this year, but instead of "resolutions," i'm going to refer to them as "challenges" in the hope that i'll actually try to achieve them instead of dismissing them as resolutions that were made to be broken on new year's day. so here they are:
- no fast food for an entire year. last night i finally got around to watching super size me & goddamn! that was one hell of a disturbing, yet very funny & entertaining, movie. so, i vow not to grab a quick burger or a shake from any fast food establishment for an entire year, which really shouldn't be all that hard to do. i've also decided to swear off the 13th floor cafeteria across from my school because i believe it's run by sodexho. that's going to be hard because i looove that cafeteria - not so much for the food but for the view. instead, i'll make sure to get cash & support the little food stand in my school, mostly because it's run by a very nice couple & i'd rather support them than chic-fil-a. and they have okay salads & decent gumbo. otherwise, i'm going to try & fill my diet with lots of veggies and drink mostly water. exceptions: the occasional chipotle burrito or freebird's - i get the burritos without a tortilla & it's more like a salad with no dressing, so they's actually pretty decently healthy. i'm also not including places such as the independently owned noodle or stir fry places in the mall down the street from my school or places like zen, "japanese food fast." the only time when a whataburger stop is going to be really hard to resist is when i'm travelling, especially late at night, and i'm hungry. in that case, i'll probably have to go with hunger.
- train for an ultra run. this is going to be the hardest, since i'm inherently lazy. however, i think it's going to feel good to get in shape & spend so much time among the trees in memorial park. i've already found a houston ultra runner's club that meets in memorial, so i'm well on my way!
- study more. seriously.
- give another stab at not smoking. this resolution isn't going to be written in stone because it's going to be the most difficult to achieve & the other 3 are already big steps. but i thinkn that #2 is going to be helpful in achieving this goal, or at least in cutting back. i'll just take it one step at a time.
okay, so are these challenges/goals/whatever going to be achievable? i think so. but yeah, i've made such promises before. but i'm getting older & i don't want to get fatter and more unhealthy. so, it's time to make a change & 2005 is as good a year as any to start!
Segunda-feira, Dezembro 27, 2004
i'm dreaming of a....
as a little girl, i used to hear that song "i'm dreaming of a white christmas" and feel a mixture of hope and bitterness. the idealist in me would think "maybe this year it will snow and we can make snow angels and have a snowball fight and do all the things i've never done before!" but christmas morning would come and i'd jump out of bed, hoping for snow, and all i'd get was sunshine. and i'd feel bitter. damn all those northerners and their white christmases! damn their sleigh bells and their ice skating! damn you, frosty the snowman!
when i was young, our family didn't go on any ski trips or anything like that. i didn't even see snow until i was in the 5th grade and we had a snow/ice storm that resulted in 2 days out of school and much sledding down the hills at the nearby golf course. the great south texas snowfall of 1985 was also the first time i can recall hearing my parents have sex, a memory that i've been trying to shake ever since.
this year something happened at christmastime that has never happened before in south texas. was it a major family fight that ended in tears and everyone sitting around, not opening gifts? no, that's happened before, but not this year. what could it be, you might ask?
it snowed on christmas.
christmas eve started off with some snow flurries, with just a tiny bit accumulating on the ground. we were in awe & excited about that - it was the closest we'd ever come to a white christmas. we drove over to my grandmother's house in sleet. big deal, sleet. but in the midst of opening presents and sucking down margaritas and wine, we looked out and saw actual snow falling. by the time we left, there were several inches accumulating on the ground and cars and even the sidewalks were beginning to cool off enough to allow snow to accumulate.
hours passed in front of the fire, watching such great holiday classics like collateral and the bourne supremacy. another glance outside showed quite a lot of snow accumulation - close to a foot! i put on shoes and a coat and went outside as the snow fell and fell and fell. andrew and i took a walk around the neighborhood, marvelling at the snow-covered trees. in fact, a good portion of the neighbors were also taking a midnight surreal walk through the snow, something none of us thought we'd ever be doing in victoria, texas!
the next morning i woke up and looked outside to see a quiet world blanketed in white. after drinking my hot chocolate, i ran out in it, throwing snowballs and even plopping down to make a snow angel for the first time since the 5th grade. snow may not be a big deal to lots of people, but to a native texan, it's like a devout catholic finding an image of the virgin mary on her grilled cheese sandwich - truly a miracle!
i don't know what it was about the freakish white christmas, but it helped bring me a little bit further out of my funk. yesterday andrew & i went hiking/running around lake bastrop. i found that running along a natural trail, as opposed to pavement, is so much easier. it's inspired me to give ultra running a shot. i've always thought it would be amazing if i could run a marathon, but why stop there? why not an ultra marathon? it sounds crazy, but also somewhat do-able. but we shall see. we shall see.
when i was young, our family didn't go on any ski trips or anything like that. i didn't even see snow until i was in the 5th grade and we had a snow/ice storm that resulted in 2 days out of school and much sledding down the hills at the nearby golf course. the great south texas snowfall of 1985 was also the first time i can recall hearing my parents have sex, a memory that i've been trying to shake ever since.
this year something happened at christmastime that has never happened before in south texas. was it a major family fight that ended in tears and everyone sitting around, not opening gifts? no, that's happened before, but not this year. what could it be, you might ask?
it snowed on christmas.
christmas eve started off with some snow flurries, with just a tiny bit accumulating on the ground. we were in awe & excited about that - it was the closest we'd ever come to a white christmas. we drove over to my grandmother's house in sleet. big deal, sleet. but in the midst of opening presents and sucking down margaritas and wine, we looked out and saw actual snow falling. by the time we left, there were several inches accumulating on the ground and cars and even the sidewalks were beginning to cool off enough to allow snow to accumulate.
hours passed in front of the fire, watching such great holiday classics like collateral and the bourne supremacy. another glance outside showed quite a lot of snow accumulation - close to a foot! i put on shoes and a coat and went outside as the snow fell and fell and fell. andrew and i took a walk around the neighborhood, marvelling at the snow-covered trees. in fact, a good portion of the neighbors were also taking a midnight surreal walk through the snow, something none of us thought we'd ever be doing in victoria, texas!
the next morning i woke up and looked outside to see a quiet world blanketed in white. after drinking my hot chocolate, i ran out in it, throwing snowballs and even plopping down to make a snow angel for the first time since the 5th grade. snow may not be a big deal to lots of people, but to a native texan, it's like a devout catholic finding an image of the virgin mary on her grilled cheese sandwich - truly a miracle!
i don't know what it was about the freakish white christmas, but it helped bring me a little bit further out of my funk. yesterday andrew & i went hiking/running around lake bastrop. i found that running along a natural trail, as opposed to pavement, is so much easier. it's inspired me to give ultra running a shot. i've always thought it would be amazing if i could run a marathon, but why stop there? why not an ultra marathon? it sounds crazy, but also somewhat do-able. but we shall see. we shall see.
Quarta-feira, Dezembro 22, 2004
bah humbug, everyone!
okay, so demanda is right & i haven't been posting much since i allegedly began to have all this free time. in my defense, most of my free time has been spent sleeping or watching tv or sleeping with the tv on. but more importantly, i have been in a place with no internet access, hence the lack of posts. i'm now at the parents' house with cable internet and nothing to do (except sleep & watch tv, which i plan to continue doing to excess), so i'll attempt an update.
first, the holidays are here. i didn't notice that because i was sucked into the vortex of studying and stress. okay, i guess you can't help but notice. the few times i went into a shop or made it to the grocery store, i was assaulted by carols and lights and fake trees and all that crap, but honestly, you become a little desensitized to it when it starts before halloween is over! but before i knew it, my last final was over and i was facing the shock of not knowing what to do if i didn't have to study and then i had so much to do to get ready to go to austin/bastrop for a month. and then i was in bastrop/austin and suddenly it was my birthday and then i had to get xmas gifts and stress over why the gifts i'd ordered online weren't arriving. and now it's 2 days before xmas & the online orders still haven't arrived and i'm still not emotionally prepared for another holiday.
i think i really have grown to despise xmas.
the whole gift thing has become very uncomfortable for me. when i was younger, my family would take xmas gifts to an obscene level. my grandmother's living room would literally be filled from one wall to the next with gifts. there wasn't a tree big enough to contain them all beneath it, so they'd take over the entire living room. we'd all gather, distribute them, and then commence a mad orgy of ripping off paper, tearing open boxes and exclaiming "thank you!" and "oooo! look at this!" we'd stare with envy at anyone that got a bigger present, even if it was nothing more exciting than a vacuum cleaner. it was bigger. i don't recall ever keeping count of the number of gifts, but it was truly consumerism, uhm, i mean giving at its finest.
as we've grown older, the orgiastic present frenzy has subdued, but i still think our family gives and receives more gifts than many. part of me waits with glee and excitement to open all those gifts and i hate to admit it, but a little voice inside me says "oh, just one more!" as the gifts are being distributed and i eagerly await for my name to be called as the person playing "santa" calls out the name on the tag & passes the present their way. but in recent years, it's also been followed by an intense uneasiness. as much as i love getting the gifts, a part of me feels uncomfortable with it. and the discomfort grows stronger in years where my constrained budget doesn't allow me to give many gifts. because i do love giving them and watching the person open it and waiting for their reaction.
and it's sad how that reaction can affect me. a couple of weeks ago i went to an xmas party with a white elephant gift exchange & was pissed when the person who opened my gift - a very nice and stylish candle holder & candles from pier one - actually complained that she already had too many candles "to burn in [her] lifetime." bitch. seriously. it's a white elephant. you get your crappy gift & secretly wish someone steals it and you shut the fuck up. you might offend someone. and it really bothered me, which i know was stupid.
anyway, this year my budget is the most constrained it's ever been. i don't even have an available credit card to max out buying gifts i can't afford. (which is a good thing, ultimately). once again, i used my birthday money to buy the few sad gifts i could afford, for immediate family only. okay, birthday money & the money i got selling back my textbooks. and then 2 of the 4 gifts didn't even come in the freakin' mail yet, which makes it even worse. so, i don't feel like i really want anything. i need everything, but don't want to ask for it from anyone. i already feel like i'm taking too much because i'm in school and not fully supporting myself (though in my defense, i'm perfectly fine with the thought of working part-time and taking out more private loans, but my parents insisted on helping and asked me not to work my first year of law school. since they would have to sponsor me for the loans - blasted ruined credit! blasted divorce! blasted ex-husband! - i don't have much choice)
and then there's shopping. i don't hate shopping as much when it's for someone else. i don't even mind shopping when i'm just looking and not buying. but when i have to go shopping, specifically clothes shopping, for myself, it really requires a nice cocktail of tequila, xanax and prozac. of course, i had to face the clothes shopping monster on tuesday and no cocktail was available. it also happened to coincide with day three of sleeping too much, which results in depression and moodiness. in fact, i think i woke up crying that day for no apparent reason. andrew was probably more than thrilled to get my moody ass out of the house for the entire day, but i just wanted to lie there and watch a marathon of laguna beach on mtv (not really. that show is incredibly boring!) but no, i drove to san marcos and met my mom & sister (who has turned into quite the happy shopper, which is a complete change. i think we switched roles or something) at the outlet shops. mission: buy me some professional-looking suits and such so i can land one of those $2o00/week jobs (ha! in my dreams!)
first, i couldn't deal with the suits. just thinking about wearing suits and panty hose and wondering if i should start using dress shields and what the hell are dress shields and where do you get those anyway almost sent me screaming back to nice, laid-back, casual social work. ahh, social work, where you really don't even have to wear shoes in the office if you get the right boss. social work, where people brings their dogs to the office with them and there's usually a cat or two wandering the halls looking for a lap to jump into. ahh, social work, where everyone drives a car that's a minimum of 10 years old and needs major repairs and you're always worried about your funding getting cut and losing your job. so, back to the suits.
it's not just the suits. and it's not just shopping with my mom, who would gravitate immediately to the tapestry fabrics and the tweeds and the houndstooth and stuff with fringe on it and expect me to try it on. in fact, i never got to the trying on phase because i knew that was more than my psyche could handle. i tried on a couple of jackets though, and they either had too-short sleeves or were too small, which meant that i'd have to try on a size larger than any i've ever worn before and i will not do that! i will not move up another size. i won't! fuck the suits. i'll starve myself and run everyday and then go back and try them on before i risk the utter humiliation of going into the dressing room with the largest size i've ever picked off the rack and either discover that it fits perfectly or worse yet, is still too small.
it's horrible and superficial and goes against everything i try to espouse about how women should love their bodies and who cares if i'm not skinny anymore and blah blah blah. because when it came down to it, i couldn't do it. i didn't even make it near the dressing room. it was not going to happen, folks, and i'll keep on wearing the same tattered rags that are stretched and worn until i lose some weight. call me shallow, call me ridiculous, but i just can't do it. the self-esteem train has reached the end of the line and that line is size 12. i will NOT EVER be bigger than that. i always thought size 12 was way more than i wanted to deal with, but the prospect of a 14 is more than i can bear.
i admit it. i want to be back in the single digits. but am i doing much about it? not really. i have been eating less lately and i have intentions to exercise. i'm just naturally lazy and love food. and i've been sleeping and watching tv alot, which gets in the way.
and yes, i'm aware that size 12 is actually more like the average woman, especially the average 31 year-old woman (goddamn, that's me.) and i know that size 14 isn't that bad or the end of the world. but after spending a week in front of the television staring at unobtainable fitness and thinness, i'm back to hating my body. my fat, alien body with the cellulite on the thighs and the flabby upper arms and the paunch belly. and i know my mom was trying to make me feel better when she said i needed a size 14 jacket because i have "broad shoulders" and not because i'm a fattie. but honestly, what woman really wants to be described as "broad shouldered?" do you ever hear people say, "oh, she's so gorgeous, and hefty! looks like she could carry quite a load with those broad shoulders!" at least, not in a way that isn't supposed to be biting or derogatory? nope, didn't think so.
so xmas is coming and i don't have many gifts to give and i'm depressed and i still don't have a goddamn suit. i seriously think it's so much easier to be a guy. at least then it's good to be broad-shouldered! uggg. and i've been here 4 hours and my mom has already yelled at me for not using a coaster (i didn't think i needed one becausei was drinking room temperature water & it wasn't going to condense or anything, but whatever) i just want to forget this whole thing and go build some habitat for humanity house. or watch a marathon of the real world/road rules battle of the sexes or something (good depression fodder). whaaa! poor me.
oh, and one more complaint: the new family pressure thing is grandchildren. apparently my siblings and i were supposed to have bred by now. something about how we should give my mom a grandchild so she can feel the joy or whatever (or yell at it for making some minor mess in her museum of a house). gross. i'm seriously getting to the point where just the thought of ever growing a human inside of me makes we want to run screaming toward a tubal ligation. oh, and last time i checked, none of us were married or anywhere near the kind of stability you'd need for a kid. yeah, grandchildren? not gonna happen.
on the one bright side, i got one of my grades back already. incidentally, it was the last exam i took (90% multiple choice, which explains the quick turnaround). it was also the exam i barely studied for and the one i almost didn't want to finish because the whole time i was on the verge of tears thinking "jesus, i'm bombing this so hard right now!" but i got a B. a third of the class got a B- and another third were below that. so, i was in the bottom of the top third, which proves that sometimes you can get lucky with a multiple guess exam! of course, now i'm worried that the fact that i got a far better grade than i expected on a the exam i felt i did the worst on and was the least prepared for means that i'm going to get lower than expected grades on the exams i felt like i did okay on. yes, leave it to me to throw a little bit of pessimism and anxiety in there. hmmm, maybe i should get back on the antidepressants. sex won't be as much fun, but at least i'll lose weight!
first, the holidays are here. i didn't notice that because i was sucked into the vortex of studying and stress. okay, i guess you can't help but notice. the few times i went into a shop or made it to the grocery store, i was assaulted by carols and lights and fake trees and all that crap, but honestly, you become a little desensitized to it when it starts before halloween is over! but before i knew it, my last final was over and i was facing the shock of not knowing what to do if i didn't have to study and then i had so much to do to get ready to go to austin/bastrop for a month. and then i was in bastrop/austin and suddenly it was my birthday and then i had to get xmas gifts and stress over why the gifts i'd ordered online weren't arriving. and now it's 2 days before xmas & the online orders still haven't arrived and i'm still not emotionally prepared for another holiday.
i think i really have grown to despise xmas.
the whole gift thing has become very uncomfortable for me. when i was younger, my family would take xmas gifts to an obscene level. my grandmother's living room would literally be filled from one wall to the next with gifts. there wasn't a tree big enough to contain them all beneath it, so they'd take over the entire living room. we'd all gather, distribute them, and then commence a mad orgy of ripping off paper, tearing open boxes and exclaiming "thank you!" and "oooo! look at this!" we'd stare with envy at anyone that got a bigger present, even if it was nothing more exciting than a vacuum cleaner. it was bigger. i don't recall ever keeping count of the number of gifts, but it was truly consumerism, uhm, i mean giving at its finest.
as we've grown older, the orgiastic present frenzy has subdued, but i still think our family gives and receives more gifts than many. part of me waits with glee and excitement to open all those gifts and i hate to admit it, but a little voice inside me says "oh, just one more!" as the gifts are being distributed and i eagerly await for my name to be called as the person playing "santa" calls out the name on the tag & passes the present their way. but in recent years, it's also been followed by an intense uneasiness. as much as i love getting the gifts, a part of me feels uncomfortable with it. and the discomfort grows stronger in years where my constrained budget doesn't allow me to give many gifts. because i do love giving them and watching the person open it and waiting for their reaction.
and it's sad how that reaction can affect me. a couple of weeks ago i went to an xmas party with a white elephant gift exchange & was pissed when the person who opened my gift - a very nice and stylish candle holder & candles from pier one - actually complained that she already had too many candles "to burn in [her] lifetime." bitch. seriously. it's a white elephant. you get your crappy gift & secretly wish someone steals it and you shut the fuck up. you might offend someone. and it really bothered me, which i know was stupid.
anyway, this year my budget is the most constrained it's ever been. i don't even have an available credit card to max out buying gifts i can't afford. (which is a good thing, ultimately). once again, i used my birthday money to buy the few sad gifts i could afford, for immediate family only. okay, birthday money & the money i got selling back my textbooks. and then 2 of the 4 gifts didn't even come in the freakin' mail yet, which makes it even worse. so, i don't feel like i really want anything. i need everything, but don't want to ask for it from anyone. i already feel like i'm taking too much because i'm in school and not fully supporting myself (though in my defense, i'm perfectly fine with the thought of working part-time and taking out more private loans, but my parents insisted on helping and asked me not to work my first year of law school. since they would have to sponsor me for the loans - blasted ruined credit! blasted divorce! blasted ex-husband! - i don't have much choice)
and then there's shopping. i don't hate shopping as much when it's for someone else. i don't even mind shopping when i'm just looking and not buying. but when i have to go shopping, specifically clothes shopping, for myself, it really requires a nice cocktail of tequila, xanax and prozac. of course, i had to face the clothes shopping monster on tuesday and no cocktail was available. it also happened to coincide with day three of sleeping too much, which results in depression and moodiness. in fact, i think i woke up crying that day for no apparent reason. andrew was probably more than thrilled to get my moody ass out of the house for the entire day, but i just wanted to lie there and watch a marathon of laguna beach on mtv (not really. that show is incredibly boring!) but no, i drove to san marcos and met my mom & sister (who has turned into quite the happy shopper, which is a complete change. i think we switched roles or something) at the outlet shops. mission: buy me some professional-looking suits and such so i can land one of those $2o00/week jobs (ha! in my dreams!)
first, i couldn't deal with the suits. just thinking about wearing suits and panty hose and wondering if i should start using dress shields and what the hell are dress shields and where do you get those anyway almost sent me screaming back to nice, laid-back, casual social work. ahh, social work, where you really don't even have to wear shoes in the office if you get the right boss. social work, where people brings their dogs to the office with them and there's usually a cat or two wandering the halls looking for a lap to jump into. ahh, social work, where everyone drives a car that's a minimum of 10 years old and needs major repairs and you're always worried about your funding getting cut and losing your job. so, back to the suits.
it's not just the suits. and it's not just shopping with my mom, who would gravitate immediately to the tapestry fabrics and the tweeds and the houndstooth and stuff with fringe on it and expect me to try it on. in fact, i never got to the trying on phase because i knew that was more than my psyche could handle. i tried on a couple of jackets though, and they either had too-short sleeves or were too small, which meant that i'd have to try on a size larger than any i've ever worn before and i will not do that! i will not move up another size. i won't! fuck the suits. i'll starve myself and run everyday and then go back and try them on before i risk the utter humiliation of going into the dressing room with the largest size i've ever picked off the rack and either discover that it fits perfectly or worse yet, is still too small.
it's horrible and superficial and goes against everything i try to espouse about how women should love their bodies and who cares if i'm not skinny anymore and blah blah blah. because when it came down to it, i couldn't do it. i didn't even make it near the dressing room. it was not going to happen, folks, and i'll keep on wearing the same tattered rags that are stretched and worn until i lose some weight. call me shallow, call me ridiculous, but i just can't do it. the self-esteem train has reached the end of the line and that line is size 12. i will NOT EVER be bigger than that. i always thought size 12 was way more than i wanted to deal with, but the prospect of a 14 is more than i can bear.
i admit it. i want to be back in the single digits. but am i doing much about it? not really. i have been eating less lately and i have intentions to exercise. i'm just naturally lazy and love food. and i've been sleeping and watching tv alot, which gets in the way.
and yes, i'm aware that size 12 is actually more like the average woman, especially the average 31 year-old woman (goddamn, that's me.) and i know that size 14 isn't that bad or the end of the world. but after spending a week in front of the television staring at unobtainable fitness and thinness, i'm back to hating my body. my fat, alien body with the cellulite on the thighs and the flabby upper arms and the paunch belly. and i know my mom was trying to make me feel better when she said i needed a size 14 jacket because i have "broad shoulders" and not because i'm a fattie. but honestly, what woman really wants to be described as "broad shouldered?" do you ever hear people say, "oh, she's so gorgeous, and hefty! looks like she could carry quite a load with those broad shoulders!" at least, not in a way that isn't supposed to be biting or derogatory? nope, didn't think so.
so xmas is coming and i don't have many gifts to give and i'm depressed and i still don't have a goddamn suit. i seriously think it's so much easier to be a guy. at least then it's good to be broad-shouldered! uggg. and i've been here 4 hours and my mom has already yelled at me for not using a coaster (i didn't think i needed one becausei was drinking room temperature water & it wasn't going to condense or anything, but whatever) i just want to forget this whole thing and go build some habitat for humanity house. or watch a marathon of the real world/road rules battle of the sexes or something (good depression fodder). whaaa! poor me.
oh, and one more complaint: the new family pressure thing is grandchildren. apparently my siblings and i were supposed to have bred by now. something about how we should give my mom a grandchild so she can feel the joy or whatever (or yell at it for making some minor mess in her museum of a house). gross. i'm seriously getting to the point where just the thought of ever growing a human inside of me makes we want to run screaming toward a tubal ligation. oh, and last time i checked, none of us were married or anywhere near the kind of stability you'd need for a kid. yeah, grandchildren? not gonna happen.
on the one bright side, i got one of my grades back already. incidentally, it was the last exam i took (90% multiple choice, which explains the quick turnaround). it was also the exam i barely studied for and the one i almost didn't want to finish because the whole time i was on the verge of tears thinking "jesus, i'm bombing this so hard right now!" but i got a B. a third of the class got a B- and another third were below that. so, i was in the bottom of the top third, which proves that sometimes you can get lucky with a multiple guess exam! of course, now i'm worried that the fact that i got a far better grade than i expected on a the exam i felt i did the worst on and was the least prepared for means that i'm going to get lower than expected grades on the exams i felt like i did okay on. yes, leave it to me to throw a little bit of pessimism and anxiety in there. hmmm, maybe i should get back on the antidepressants. sex won't be as much fun, but at least i'll lose weight!
Quarta-feira, Dezembro 15, 2004
how did they get here? part 2
once again, it's time to share the most perplexing/entertaining/disturbing searches that lead random people to a brief encounter with the red hot mamma. none of them stayed long. i guess it was the disappointment of seeing words instead of crotch shots. sorry, folks! no shaved pussy here.
the most perplexing searches:
and most disturbing:
the most perplexing searches:
- F: that's right. just the letter "f." and that brought my site up.
- ho: okay, maybe not so perplexing. but i'm a little insulted that a search for "ho" lead straight to me. um, screw you, google!
- 40: yeah, i'm totally at a loss on this one.
- to: what? "to?" okay, yeah, that word appears in my blog, as it does in everyone elses. and who searches for "to" and "f" and "40" anyway? (yes, i know they probably hit enter without finishing their typing...)
- is banks gay or just plain hot mamma? i don't know. is banks gay? who's banks?
- good dogs for frats: huh?
- hot wet panties on cute women with long legs: yep, that lead to me. that's right.
- red hot bike chicks: yeaaahhhh!
- red hot firemen: oh yes, yes, YES!! bring some of those over here, baby!
- hot porn on boat: hmmm, i'll have to give that a try...
- hot nighties: only if you're a good boy.
- junk in the trunk clips: i like big butts and i cannot lie. you other brothers can't deny when a girl walks in with a itty bitty waist and round thing in your face you get sprung...
and most disturbing:
- nude celebs getting fucked: seriously, just get cinemax already.
- fuzzy pubes "mature": ewww!
- animals fucking sluts: ewww! ewww! ewww!! no beastiality here, thank you.
- vaginal cream pie galleries: oh gawd! ewwwwwwww!!!!!! and please, get that checked out, honey.
- red hot grannies: that's just wrong.
for your viewing displeasure
tvgasm has a video of the jonathan/victoria DV scene from amazing race last night. so, if you want a disturbing visual to go along with my last post, there it is.
Terça-feira, Dezembro 14, 2004
tv's back, baby!
finals are over!! and what does that mean? television without guilt. lots of it. i started off my first evening of guilt-free teevee with a little amazing race (aka TAR) followed by sex & the city on tbs. and for those you reading that watch the race, i have to note that i was very, very frightened for victoria of jonathan and VIC - TOOOR-EEAA!! jonathan is the most hideous creature ever to be featured on television and the worst part about that statement is that he's on a reality show, so it's not maaake beeelieeeeve. it's scary domestic abuse.
for those of you who don't watch TAR, here's the scoop on the 2 most frightening reality contestants ever. jonathan & victoria are "married entrepreneurs" from LA. so, yeah, if you're like me, you're thinking "porn." but apparently jon owns some sleazy "spa" to the stars and victoria is a former playmate of the month who now defines her self as a "pop artist," which means that she creates paintings that incorporate playboy in some fashion. also, time and the race have not been very kind to her because she's really starting to look rough. but i'm inclined to blame that on the strain of being in an abusive relationship.
jonathan is a horrible, horrible human being. and i pause in even calling him human because HE IS A MONSTER. first of all, he's really rude to people unless he wants something from them, and then he's nice in a fake, condescending way. last week he was grabbing locals outside of the airport in dakar and screaming "I WANT SOMEONE TO SPEAK ME ENGLISH!" while the guy he was shaking said, "un peu, un peu" over and over, which means "a little," as in "i speak a little english you crazy little american freak so chill the fuck out and maybe i'll help you." he's also really bossy and controlling and mean to the other teams. oh, and a complete dumbass, too. but don't take it from me, either watch the show or read the recaps at TWOP or tvgasm. and in order to paint an accurate picture, i think i need to describe his appearance a little bit. he's short (of course, napoleon complex & all) and has stringy, curly hair with a patch at the bottom died blue for some inexplicable reason. of course, by this stage of the race the manic panic is washing out and the blue is becoming faded so it looks even worse. he also wears things like a big, tacky pimp hat - fuzzy blue & large with black stars on it - sort of like the kind a total jackass would wear to a rave because he thinks it's "trendy" and he matched it with blue cammo pants. it's all part of the ridiculous "i'm on tv" personality he's desperately & transparently trying to create. as in, "i'm quirky. i'm cool. i beat my trophy wife." oh, and he also describes himself as a "mental magician." yeah, if by "mental magician" he means "retard."
so far the race has been marked by the insane shouting of "vicTOReeeaaaahhh!!" in a horrible, nails-on-chalkboard pitch, and usually it's for no reason. really, it doesn't matter how much of a lead these two have, jon feels the need to shout at victoria every chance he gets, constantly berating her and scolding her for mistakes that i don't even notice her making. and honestly, she's really annoying and whiney, but not worthy of being beaten. that is NEVER the case, no matter how bad the other person is. in last week's episode, they weren't as obnoxious - i guess the editors took pity on the horrified audience. but the previous week jonathan shouted at victoria and then raised his arm as if to strike her and she flinched as if she was used to dodging his blows. oh, but that was nothing compared to this week's episode.
much to my chagrin, team domestic violence was leading for about half the episode, which of course didn't put a dent in jon's constant screaming at victoria for making them fall behind (even when they weren't) for doing stupid things like asking taxi drivers for directions so they wouldn't get lost along the way. that bitch. as they're crammed into the back of a cab, the batterer threatens to "come down" on victoria if another team beats them. then in the drive to the finish, he starts yelling at her and then pulls over, telling her that she has to drive. apparently she was unable to pull the car seat forward & couldn't reach the pedals. but instead of figuring out how to pull the seat up, she kept screeching "i can't reach the pedals! i can't reach the pedals!" and instead of helping her, he just kept yelling and then got back in the driver's seat. now, if this is why they fell behind, i'm inclined to blame him for pulling over and throwing his little bitch-fit in the first place. why switch drivers like that?
anyway, it was down to the final hurried drive to the pit stop and team killmenow were still in first place, followed closely by a pair of obnoxious, spoiled, bitchy, but nonviolent, models. okay, just the female model is obnoxious & spoiled. the boy is total eye candy, but why he puts up with such a totally bland, totally generic princess is beyond me.
but i digress. so, it comes down to a footrace between the tall, fit models and the short, hyperventilating control freak and his abused wife. that's when the episode got ugly. mr. dv just drops his backpack in downtown berlin and takes off, leaving wifey behind. she picks it up and is now carrying both their backpacks. transpose that with team model, where boy model is now carrying girl model's backpack. back to the battered wife. she's breaking down in tears, but not regular tears. no, these are the oh-so-disturbing tears of a woman who knows that if she's not perfect, she'll face a beating later, and she is never perfect. she starts saying "i can't do this. i can't do this." and stumbles on with both packs, mascara and tears running down her face. and of course, the models come in first. you've won a trip. hug. kiss. smile.
mr. dv walks up to battered wife and yells "WHY DID YOU GRAB MY BACKPACK?? WHY??" uhm, probably because you left it in on a crowded street in downtown berlin in the middle of the afternoon & you'll need it when you reach the pit stop, you asshole? at least, that's what i would have said. but poor victoria just cries. AND THEN HE HITS HER. she falls back and then collapses on the sidewalk, crying "no, jon, no!" it was literally the most disturbing thing i've ever seen on tv. it was just the kind of thing you'd see in a lifetime movie, but it's reality.
then they stand in front of phil to hear that they're team number two. second place is not bad. only the top three have a shot at winning the million buckaroos, so save your freakout til the final leg. but please for the love of goddess, let these two be eliminated soon cuz i can't take anymore! phil is trying to stay composed, but you can sense the tension coming out of the tv. it was seriously awkward. phil is standing there and the batterer starts yelling at victoria again and she walks off, sits on a curb and puts her head in her hands, crying. phil awkwardly says, "jonathan. i think you need to go talk to victoria." batterer took this to mean "go over and yell at her and berate her some more. oh, and throw in some threats of physical violence too."
uggg. horrible. i keep wishing that a bus would run him over. i know this won't happen because it would have made the news: "locals in india shoot obnoxious american reality show contestant" or "cab driver runs down disgusting reality show contestant after he yelled at him to 'hurry up' for 40 miles." i just don't want to see this ugly, violent drama unfold on my tv week after week.
anyone else see this? any thoughts?
oh, and while writing this, i had the sex & the city ep on where samantha has the lesbian relationship with the brazilian painter. and charlotte's husband keeps referring to his "john thomas." i'm sorry, but i don't think i could have sex with someone that kept calling his penis a "john thomas." i'd be all "rock hard cock" or even "mr. happy" but "john thomas." no.
for those of you who don't watch TAR, here's the scoop on the 2 most frightening reality contestants ever. jonathan & victoria are "married entrepreneurs" from LA. so, yeah, if you're like me, you're thinking "porn." but apparently jon owns some sleazy "spa" to the stars and victoria is a former playmate of the month who now defines her self as a "pop artist," which means that she creates paintings that incorporate playboy in some fashion. also, time and the race have not been very kind to her because she's really starting to look rough. but i'm inclined to blame that on the strain of being in an abusive relationship.
jonathan is a horrible, horrible human being. and i pause in even calling him human because HE IS A MONSTER. first of all, he's really rude to people unless he wants something from them, and then he's nice in a fake, condescending way. last week he was grabbing locals outside of the airport in dakar and screaming "I WANT SOMEONE TO SPEAK ME ENGLISH!" while the guy he was shaking said, "un peu, un peu" over and over, which means "a little," as in "i speak a little english you crazy little american freak so chill the fuck out and maybe i'll help you." he's also really bossy and controlling and mean to the other teams. oh, and a complete dumbass, too. but don't take it from me, either watch the show or read the recaps at TWOP or tvgasm. and in order to paint an accurate picture, i think i need to describe his appearance a little bit. he's short (of course, napoleon complex & all) and has stringy, curly hair with a patch at the bottom died blue for some inexplicable reason. of course, by this stage of the race the manic panic is washing out and the blue is becoming faded so it looks even worse. he also wears things like a big, tacky pimp hat - fuzzy blue & large with black stars on it - sort of like the kind a total jackass would wear to a rave because he thinks it's "trendy" and he matched it with blue cammo pants. it's all part of the ridiculous "i'm on tv" personality he's desperately & transparently trying to create. as in, "i'm quirky. i'm cool. i beat my trophy wife." oh, and he also describes himself as a "mental magician." yeah, if by "mental magician" he means "retard."
so far the race has been marked by the insane shouting of "vicTOReeeaaaahhh!!" in a horrible, nails-on-chalkboard pitch, and usually it's for no reason. really, it doesn't matter how much of a lead these two have, jon feels the need to shout at victoria every chance he gets, constantly berating her and scolding her for mistakes that i don't even notice her making. and honestly, she's really annoying and whiney, but not worthy of being beaten. that is NEVER the case, no matter how bad the other person is. in last week's episode, they weren't as obnoxious - i guess the editors took pity on the horrified audience. but the previous week jonathan shouted at victoria and then raised his arm as if to strike her and she flinched as if she was used to dodging his blows. oh, but that was nothing compared to this week's episode.
much to my chagrin, team domestic violence was leading for about half the episode, which of course didn't put a dent in jon's constant screaming at victoria for making them fall behind (even when they weren't) for doing stupid things like asking taxi drivers for directions so they wouldn't get lost along the way. that bitch. as they're crammed into the back of a cab, the batterer threatens to "come down" on victoria if another team beats them. then in the drive to the finish, he starts yelling at her and then pulls over, telling her that she has to drive. apparently she was unable to pull the car seat forward & couldn't reach the pedals. but instead of figuring out how to pull the seat up, she kept screeching "i can't reach the pedals! i can't reach the pedals!" and instead of helping her, he just kept yelling and then got back in the driver's seat. now, if this is why they fell behind, i'm inclined to blame him for pulling over and throwing his little bitch-fit in the first place. why switch drivers like that?
anyway, it was down to the final hurried drive to the pit stop and team killmenow were still in first place, followed closely by a pair of obnoxious, spoiled, bitchy, but nonviolent, models. okay, just the female model is obnoxious & spoiled. the boy is total eye candy, but why he puts up with such a totally bland, totally generic princess is beyond me.
but i digress. so, it comes down to a footrace between the tall, fit models and the short, hyperventilating control freak and his abused wife. that's when the episode got ugly. mr. dv just drops his backpack in downtown berlin and takes off, leaving wifey behind. she picks it up and is now carrying both their backpacks. transpose that with team model, where boy model is now carrying girl model's backpack. back to the battered wife. she's breaking down in tears, but not regular tears. no, these are the oh-so-disturbing tears of a woman who knows that if she's not perfect, she'll face a beating later, and she is never perfect. she starts saying "i can't do this. i can't do this." and stumbles on with both packs, mascara and tears running down her face. and of course, the models come in first. you've won a trip. hug. kiss. smile.
mr. dv walks up to battered wife and yells "WHY DID YOU GRAB MY BACKPACK?? WHY??" uhm, probably because you left it in on a crowded street in downtown berlin in the middle of the afternoon & you'll need it when you reach the pit stop, you asshole? at least, that's what i would have said. but poor victoria just cries. AND THEN HE HITS HER. she falls back and then collapses on the sidewalk, crying "no, jon, no!" it was literally the most disturbing thing i've ever seen on tv. it was just the kind of thing you'd see in a lifetime movie, but it's reality.
then they stand in front of phil to hear that they're team number two. second place is not bad. only the top three have a shot at winning the million buckaroos, so save your freakout til the final leg. but please for the love of goddess, let these two be eliminated soon cuz i can't take anymore! phil is trying to stay composed, but you can sense the tension coming out of the tv. it was seriously awkward. phil is standing there and the batterer starts yelling at victoria again and she walks off, sits on a curb and puts her head in her hands, crying. phil awkwardly says, "jonathan. i think you need to go talk to victoria." batterer took this to mean "go over and yell at her and berate her some more. oh, and throw in some threats of physical violence too."
uggg. horrible. i keep wishing that a bus would run him over. i know this won't happen because it would have made the news: "locals in india shoot obnoxious american reality show contestant" or "cab driver runs down disgusting reality show contestant after he yelled at him to 'hurry up' for 40 miles." i just don't want to see this ugly, violent drama unfold on my tv week after week.
anyone else see this? any thoughts?
oh, and while writing this, i had the sex & the city ep on where samantha has the lesbian relationship with the brazilian painter. and charlotte's husband keeps referring to his "john thomas." i'm sorry, but i don't think i could have sex with someone that kept calling his penis a "john thomas." i'd be all "rock hard cock" or even "mr. happy" but "john thomas." no.
merry xmas!
season's greetings from the cyber fetus in my knitted uterus!
I adopted a cute lil' santa fetusfrom Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!
I adopted a cute lil' santa fetusfrom Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!
Sábado, Dezembro 11, 2004
which rule of civil procedure are you?
from angry tirade to ultimate law nerd...
YOU ARE RULE 15!
You're a very helpful rule! You allow the attorney
to amend their complaint once as a matter of
course at any time before the answer is filed,
and also allow amendments in other cases. If a
claim relates back to the original transaction
or occurrence outlined in the complaint, you
can amend the complaint, even though the
statute of limitations has run. Like a good
friend, you're always there to help out in a
bind.
Which Federal Rule of Civil Procedure Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
YOU ARE RULE 15!
You're a very helpful rule! You allow the attorney
to amend their complaint once as a matter of
course at any time before the answer is filed,
and also allow amendments in other cases. If a
claim relates back to the original transaction
or occurrence outlined in the complaint, you
can amend the complaint, even though the
statute of limitations has run. Like a good
friend, you're always there to help out in a
bind.
Which Federal Rule of Civil Procedure Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
oh, so many reasons to hate america
yeah, that's right. sometimes i really hate america and all you stupid merkins. why are you all so stupid? why do you make me hate you so? of course, most of the people reading this blog (yeah, all 5 of you) are not recipients of this sentiment. and yes, i hate. i hate because i'm sick of being tolerant of intolerance. goddamn, fellow liberals, quit trying to be tolerant and show kindness, because they're shitting all over us. the terrorists hate freedom? well, guess who the terrorists really are: GEORGE FUCKING W BUSH AND ALL HIS CRONIES. because this is what hating freedom is all about - it's the epitome of it and of oppression, fascism, intolerance.
i don't want to hate. i'm okay with people having a different viewpoint and different morals. but this kind of shit is taking it too far. i'm a straight female, but many people that i love and respect are gay. and this kind of crap hurts them, so it hurts me. and i'm sick to fucking death of it. the two things that are guar-ron-teed to stir up a little of that red hot mamma ire are messin' with the control i have over my own uterus and messin' with people's private sex lives.
I'M SICK OF IT!! goddamn! it's enough already. you know what? this can't just be about people who are gay being the activists. the rest of us really have to stand up too.
i apologize in advance if this post seems a little less than coherent. i'm really pissed right now & i've only gotten a few hours sleep this week. finals + insomnia = ugliness. but i'm coherent enough to know that this is a sentiment i will be addressing again soon, hopefully in a much more well-reasoned manner. in the meantime, i'm also coherent enough to include a very appropriate quote. and after the quote, a little something else to piss you off, if you aren't already. after all, if you're not pissed off, you're not paying attention.
First they came for the Jews
CBS and NBC have refused to air an ad produced by the United Church of Christ (UCC) because they deem its message of inclusiveness "too controversial." The ad, originally set to begin airing nationwide yesterday, states that -- like Jesus -- the UCC welcomes all people, regardless of ability, age, race, economic circumstance or sexual orientation. (You can view the advertisement at www.stillspeaking.com.)
According to a written explanation from CBS, the ad was deemed inappropriate in part because “the Executive Branch has recently proposed a Constitutional Amendment to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman." NBC likewise determined the ad "too controversial" and refused to air it.
UCC's general minister and president Rev. John H. Thomas highlighted the absurdity of this censorship: “It's ironic that after a political season awash in commercials based on fear and deception by both parties seen on all the major networks, an ad with a message of welcome and inclusion would be deemed too controversial." (The full text of the UCC press release appears below.)
TAKE ACTION
E-mail CBS and NBC and ask them to reconsider their decision to censor this advertisement. Remind them that the Executive Branch of our government does not have the right to determine what are and are not acceptable religious values and that the message of this advertisement reflects the values of many mainstream people of faith across this country.
CBS: http://www.cbs.com/info/user_services/fb_global_form.shtml
NBC: Mail To: Nightly@NBC.com
NBC, people, NBC!! you know, the network that airs will and fucking grace. well, for now anyway. until dubya decides it ain't moral and asks them to get down on their knees and suck his tiny cock.
i don't want to hate. i'm okay with people having a different viewpoint and different morals. but this kind of shit is taking it too far. i'm a straight female, but many people that i love and respect are gay. and this kind of crap hurts them, so it hurts me. and i'm sick to fucking death of it. the two things that are guar-ron-teed to stir up a little of that red hot mamma ire are messin' with the control i have over my own uterus and messin' with people's private sex lives.
I'M SICK OF IT!! goddamn! it's enough already. you know what? this can't just be about people who are gay being the activists. the rest of us really have to stand up too.
i apologize in advance if this post seems a little less than coherent. i'm really pissed right now & i've only gotten a few hours sleep this week. finals + insomnia = ugliness. but i'm coherent enough to know that this is a sentiment i will be addressing again soon, hopefully in a much more well-reasoned manner. in the meantime, i'm also coherent enough to include a very appropriate quote. and after the quote, a little something else to piss you off, if you aren't already. after all, if you're not pissed off, you're not paying attention.
First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me.
--Pastor Martin Niemöller
CBS and NBC have refused to air an ad produced by the United Church of Christ (UCC) because they deem its message of inclusiveness "too controversial." The ad, originally set to begin airing nationwide yesterday, states that -- like Jesus -- the UCC welcomes all people, regardless of ability, age, race, economic circumstance or sexual orientation. (You can view the advertisement at www.stillspeaking.com.)
According to a written explanation from CBS, the ad was deemed inappropriate in part because “the Executive Branch has recently proposed a Constitutional Amendment to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman." NBC likewise determined the ad "too controversial" and refused to air it.
UCC's general minister and president Rev. John H. Thomas highlighted the absurdity of this censorship: “It's ironic that after a political season awash in commercials based on fear and deception by both parties seen on all the major networks, an ad with a message of welcome and inclusion would be deemed too controversial." (The full text of the UCC press release appears below.)
TAKE ACTION
E-mail CBS and NBC and ask them to reconsider their decision to censor this advertisement. Remind them that the Executive Branch of our government does not have the right to determine what are and are not acceptable religious values and that the message of this advertisement reflects the values of many mainstream people of faith across this country.
CBS: http://www.cbs.com/info/user_services/fb_global_form.shtml
NBC: Mail To: Nightly@NBC.com
NBC, people, NBC!! you know, the network that airs will and fucking grace. well, for now anyway. until dubya decides it ain't moral and asks them to get down on their knees and suck his tiny cock.
Sábado, Dezembro 04, 2004
random musings
- i've discovered a new vice: cheese rolls from the thai place down the street. maybe amanda can tell me if this is really authentic thai or not, but i don't really care because they rock! whoever thought to wrap cream cheese up in some rice paper & fry it is a total genius.
- the other night i was sitting on my bed with my little dog next to me. pedro, the tomcat, jumped up on the bed, turned so his butt was next to ceci's head and sprayed her. i screamed and he ran off while ceci just looked up at me with this expression like "wtf? he just pissed on me!"
- so, my bar story from the other day wasn't nearly as interesting as it could have been if my brain hadn't been full of civil procedure and fuzzy from sleep deprivation and rum. the whole time i was talking to the drunk irishman, i kept thinking "wow! what a gem that was. i have to remember that so i can write about it!" and then i forgot it all. but is it kinda sad that when i have a conversation with a stranger, all i'm thinking is "how can i turn this into a story?" or does that mean that i'm a writer of sorts (though not a very good one)? when i was a little girl, i wanted to be the world's youngest novelist, just like my idol, laura engalls wilder. maybe it was because i was obsessed with the guiness book of world records and wanted to be the world's -est anything, but i also loved to write. of course, all my attempts at novel writing ended up in stories about horses or dogs. there's a reason a nine year old hasn't won the pulitzer yet!
- my legal research & writing final was cake. i finished it in 25 minutes, then wondered if that was a good or a bad thing. however, i felt good enough about my answers that i decided it was a good thing and i had better things to do than re-read the whole fucking thing & come up with the same answers the second time around (i actually started doing this, then realized that nothing was changing), so i turned it in and left. if only they could all be so easy!
- downside to having a roommate: having to wash out errant pubes before taking a bath. and i know they're pubes because he's bald, so that hair is coming from somewhere else. of course, i've dealt with plenty of foreign pubes back in the day, so it doesn't gross me out as much as you'd think. boy, that made me sound kinda slutty.
- upside to having a roommate: my current computer wallpaper has tim duncan & tony parker of the san antonio spurs and my roommate saw it & said "oh! the spurs! you know, i work with tim's brother. he's a great cameraman. very artistic. he does all of the opening sequences for the mark burnett shows." outwardly, i'm all "oh, that's really cool." inwardly i'm all OHMYGOD!! proximity to tim duncan!! what's that? like two layers away from actual tim duncan? drool!! that, of course, triggered my fantasy of a tim duncan/tony parker spurs sandwich, maybe with a little side of manu ginobili. an international delicacy! now, if you'll excuse me, on that note i have to spend a little "me time" with the rabbit pearl...
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